041: 3 Phases of Being Called In

Three weeks ago, Craig and I had the great pleasure of interviewing Jodi Friedman for the SELinEDU podcast. I admire Jodi’s work in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion as an assistant principal, and our conversation centered around taking care of those around us. We also discussed personal growth, especially around cultural competency and anti-racism.

On Twitter, I introduced that the podcast was coming soon, and Jodi shared that she enjoyed our time. I responded by sharing how much of an opportunity there was in the podcast to learn about anti-racist work. For example, Jodi was part of the team that create the Culturally Responsive-Sustaining Facilitator’s Guide to help educators deepen their understanding and action around equity.

Knowing that images bring attention to tweets, I searched for a picture to explain my joy and learning. And I selected an image with Kid President with a caption about learning.

I learned about Digital Blackface a few years ago and actively avoid posting memes that reinforce stereotypes. And I hit a new learning when posting an image of Kid President. 

Jodi reached out to me with a carefully crafted email asking if we could talk because she was uncomfortable with the picture I posted.

This post is about the three phases of being called in.

The Emotions. 

The first emotions I felt were shame and embarrassment; I should have known better. I had not even finished reading the email when I went to Twitter and deleted the post. 

My shame and embarrassment turned to sorrow… I never want someone to feel uncomfortable in my presence or due to my actions. I was so sorry that I took up so much of Jodi’s emotional energy and time. 

And I also felt gratitude to Jodi. She took time to expand my learning and help me become more knowledgeable - in thought and in action. Jodi provided me with a gift - the gift of feedback. 

The Response. 

I was also grateful that Jodi invited a conversation with me instead of leaving it in an email alone. During our call, I apologized for my actions. It was not my intention to make anyone feel uncomfortable. But, I do not believe that my intent supersedes the impact. I do not believe that anyone’s feelings should be invalidated.

Not all situations like ours turn out like ours.

• Sometimes, a person may be so hurt by what was said or done that I might not receive a kind email asking for a conversation. Sometimes, a person might be so hurt that their first response is to walk away or to call me out publicly. We are not in control of how feedback is provided. In our podcast, Jodi stated, “I had to learn that feedback is a gift and especially for me and the privilege I carry, I can't like put up walls or these rules about how I get feedback.”
• But we control how we receive the feedback and what we choose to do with it. Instead of seeing the feedback as a gift, I could have responded with defensiveness. I could have doubled down and reiterated that I didn’t mean to offend or hurt anyone. 

I remember my core values - Learning and Courage. For me, this was an opportunity - an invitation - for learning and growth. 

The Next Step.

I reminded myself of Maya Angelou's quote, “When you know better, do better.” I reiterated (to myself) that THIS is how learning happens - it is born out of mistakes and missteps. I need - and want - to own my public mistake, in public, hoping it will spark a learning conversation.

I shared what happened when working with a high school SEL Core Team last week. 

• One teacher had never heard of Digital Blackface before. 
• One teacher reflected back on a “meme project” constructed for students. We discussed how it would be powerful learning for students to discuss how memes can be fun and reinforce negative stereotypes. Maybe it isn’t about getting rid of the project but enhancing it with new boundaries and conversations with the students.

If you want to learn more about Digital Blackface, this ARD: Anti-Racism Daily newsletter is a great start. Consider subscribing to their newsletter; I’ve read their work for over two years.

And… I am still learning. I have friends who have shared, “I am too afraid to step into anti-racism work because I don’t want to make a mistake.” Neither do I… but making mistakes is part of learning. In addition, I have a lot of privileges that allow me to step OUT of DEI work. I remind myself that many of my family members, close friends, and colleagues cannot step out of their everyday experiences around race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, socioeconomic status, language, religion, and ability. 

I choose to keep learning - and publicly sharing my learning - in the hopes we can better understand others’ perspectives, create more inclusive environments, and advocate for equity.